I know transmascs and transfems don’t share a destination, but we all share the pain caused by trying to exist in the wrong gender and the joy and happiness brought by transition.
I have a cis friend that had some health issue come up, the medication he needed effectively drops his testosterone to zero. When he first told me, my first thought was “that’s fucking awesome,” then he was like “so I’ll need to start doing testosterone replacement therapy” and I was thought “oh that’s fucking awful.”
I get and don’t get trans mascs. Like I fully understand being trans, I just don’t get why anyone would ever want to be a man. But I’ll die fighting to support them.
Personally I don’t think there’s much to ‘get’. They don’t want to be men, they are men. And that doesn’t have to mean toxic and sexist and a bigot. Not all men lol.
Side note: something funny I’ve noticed is that transmascs get the exact same “you’ll never be a woman” / “you’ll always be man” comments from people on mainstream social media. Makes it really look like it’s actually all just bots getting triggered by the word “trans”. But they’ve only been programmed to shit on trans women, so all they do when it comes to trans men is give them affirmation.
True. My wording was framed from my own point of view where presenting/acting male was something I performed and despised. I apologise for any trans mascs if it felt like I was saying you’re not men.
Even the ones who aren’t bots just rarely think of trans mascs. So they probably hear trans and think the person must be trans femme. Is that ewwphoric to hear when they say you’ll always be a man?
Honestly I’m sure it’s still shit to have people / bots coming along to try and bring you down, even if they get it wrong and you can have a laugh about it afterwards. But these people’s dumb comments will usually get posted for everyone to laugh at the dumb bigots who can “always tell”.
I really can’t speak for someone else’s feelings but that sounds like a kind of ewwphoria to me. Turning attempts at bigotry into a celebration.
Even the ones who aren’t bots just rarely think of trans mascs
Yep. It’s all rooted in a type of misogyny. I think 95% of the anti trans crowd are men who think washing their own asses is gay, and who are absolutely terrified of finding a trans woman attractive. To the point that half the time now, they can’t interact with any women without trying to transvestigate or some shit.
I believe its because they don’t believe being trans is real, and so they think anyone who is trans is just a pervert cause the only reason they can think anyone would want to be a woman is to perv on women. Its at the end of the day misogyny. Because of this I don’t think they even realize trans men even exist, cause it doesnt fit their misogynistic ideas of men and women. To them, women cant be pervs so there is no reason why someone they see as a woman would want to be seen as a man. Even if they do know of trans men, I don’t think they see it as problematic (or at least as severely so) because of their misogynism.
However, this is all just my thoughts on it, and also very much a generalization. Even if I am right, it is very likely there are transphobes that this doesnt apply to.
Ach, sorry about the trauma dumping below, but it was just nice to write it out. Tl;dr: I suspect that being a woman is objectively easier for me with the femme socialization I received, and I don’t know if I would want to deal with the difficulty of being a man, but it still sucks if it’s not what feels right.
I’m AFAB, probably an egg without noticeable dysphoria (though occasional euphoria) and kind of feel like this. Like, I can currently get away with showering every other day, I don’t need too much food, my feet don’t stink, and I’m pretty hot as a woman. Plus I can technically create life with my husband; if I’m struggling with something heavy in public, someone will try to help (annoying 95% of the time, lifesaving 5%); strangers don’t try to start fights with me (though obviously them sometimes trying to assault me sexually is also bad, I know how to deal with it- I don’t know how to talk down a drunk angry dude who wants to fight me and I’m pretty sure my attempt would go poorly); and nobody expects me to be anyone’s savior- though I find it pretty easy to successfully step in in cases of street harassment now, I think that would be very different if I were seen as a possible aggressor.
Also, I already cry way more than most other people (autism plus femme socialization that converted anger and frustration into tears), I don’t want to imagine the difficulty that would cause if I were a dude. I’ve heard that HRT makes it more difficult for trans men to cry, but I hate the feeling of needing to cry generally and being unable to. I would like to cry less, but ideally because I’ve dealt with my shit, not because I can’t (I am aware that perhaps I’m so close to tears on a regular basis because I’m unhappy with my gender, but it could also just be me).
It just feels like it should have been different.
I feel like I should be stronger (I’m very strong for a woman, which means the average man could still overpower me relatively easily), I feel like I’m being condescended to when someone holds a door open for me and I feel like I should obviously be the one carrying things if I’m walking with someone. When people assume that I’ll make decisions about the household, I feel like nobody could possibly care what color a carpet is and it’s all just a weird collective charade we’re partaking in. When people make jokes about the woman always being right/happy wife, happy life, I feel sick.
Hey sib, thanks for your story, love to hear your perspective actually. :)
The way I as a transfem view it re: HRT and crying, is that we also do experience the same emotions. Pre HRT and pre egg, when an old family member was going to be buried, I also cried; but it felt like I didn’t “want” to, as if there is a veil over my feelings. I think part of that is the social expectation of “tough men don’t cry”. But I disagree. I did cry as well, eventually, but it took longer, and I didn’t do so as ‘quickly’.
When I got on HRT, it felt like the veil had been lifted and I could express my feelings more clearly. I think that it doesn’t depend on hormones but on what you’ve been conditioned to as being “acceptable to do”. Maybe, once I got HRT, I felt like a weight was lifted and I could cry earlier and more thorough on my own volition. Whether that is due to hormones or due to social expectation, who is to say.
small bit about my own dysphoria, just needed to vent it, please ignore
that said, i am pretty happy so far with my HRT. Boobs could be a bit bigger, hips wider… but it’s going the right way now, and I can look more at myself in the mirror. The only big thing I’m still dissatisfied with is the lack of a vagina and uterus. I really want to carry a child someday, but that isn’t possible without a transplant. I’ll find a way, though!
I feel like for transmascs and transbys with strong dysphoria (it imo isn’t dysphoria but euphoria that primarily determines what would be good), it might be the same with regard to lacking a dick or being too strongly gendered in their body…
On your very last sentence, same, amen. It feels (un)intentionally a bit misogynistic.
I cannot say how HRT would be for you - that is individually different. But I’d like to think that cool men(by’s) absolutely do cry. And that you already being able to do so, helps.
Whatever you feel as is valid; only you can figure out what that is. Whether cis, trans, or what else.
Thank you! I am absolutely in support of men crying and would hope I’d be able to cry occasionally no matter what. I also absolutely think my crying is due to socialization and not hormones (at least not exclusively, though I definitely notice a cycle).
I just don’t know how to express any strong emotion without tears. I feel like that’s something I should work on in therapy instead of just hoping it would change, because that seems like a recipe for personal meltdown.
I would say I shed tears on average once a day, sometimes because things don’t go the way I expected, sometimes because someone’s rude to me, and sometimes because I write a comment about being an egg. I would say the latter is a “legitimate” reason (I know that’s not the right way to look at it, but I hope it’s still understandable), and the others are me sublimating other emotions into tears, because “anger is for men” and “I should try to get along with people,” which both feel like things I don’t believe, but have internalized.
More about my experience of euphoria/dysphoria, maybe including some serious TMI
I don’t think I have dysphoria, but when I wear a binder, I just look like a flat-chested woman, and when I combine it with baggy clothing, I just look like a flat-chested and bulky woman, which doesn’t feel good at all. Wearing a strap-on feels really good and really bad at the same time (and also caused me to cry the first time), because it feels like what should be, but it also feels like I’m play acting.
I suspect that might just be deeply closeted dysphoria, but I also sometimes feel great dressing femme, so I don’t know.
TMI: I am also very into the idea of being a sissy, so I’m not sure if I feel great dressed femme because of that or if fetishizing femininity exerted onto me just a coping mechanism. Either way, it makes me feel really fucking weird whenever TERFs accuse trans women of autogynephilia.
Strong emotions can be in more forms. Think of the intense ‘kick’ from e.g. a rollercoaster, the joy from a really lovely walk in the forest, the intense calm with a good shower; or the personal anger of a close thing being harmed, or the emptiness of depression, as a numb cold feeling drooping away from the breast, to the legs and arms.
Are there (non-addictive) things you feel a lot, that make you very happy, without tears? Maybe might be worth looking on those. I can’t give advice on therapy, though it did help me. Best not to rely overmuch on internet stranger advice, haha.
re: the euphoria/dysphoria
Recognisable! I also had that. Mostly because if I tucked, yes, it does make my area down look more girly… but I overall still looked very masculine. So it felt like I was stressing the “mismatching what I felt” even more from how my body looked.
On clothing I think it was likewise for me. I liked skirts a bit because they made me look more fem, but also felt I couldn’t look fem while wearing jeans. That was until my therapist told me, but look at other gals. Do they also wear skirts all day? And that made me realise I didn’t need to be bound by skirt or jean to be a gal. The fashion thing withheld me from social transition a bit. Now that I look more fem, it’s less of an issue.
Though I also know people who straight up just dress gallish while being cis guys - a bi friend for example wears a corsette, like femboys might do. And another always wore very guyish clothes, looking ‘rougher’. And someone else just didn’t give a fuck and put up whatever mix they did today lol. So I feel it depends on what your goals are.
Gender isn’t a fixed thing - it can vary by person and for some it also can vary over timespans. I’m very much a transfem gal, but I dress more neutral-ish and might describe myself as a demigirl in that regard.
The autogynephilia… for me that was a big block in determining whether I was trans or not. I’m sapphic, lesbian; but do I like gals because I fall for them or because I want to be them? I feel that it’s both, and yeah. I don’t care what transphobes think, as they care mostly about controlling others. The only time I care is when I manage to change their mind ever so slightly.
I definitely feel very happy feelings without sadness, but not without tears. I’ll cry at how adorable my cat is or how much I love someone, and I’ve cried at every wedding I’ve ever been to as an adult.
I guess I don’t ever cry after solving a puzzle, even though that makes me happy. I have cried at getting a job or a good student review though, and those seem like they’re in the same family.
I would say of the examples listed, the only one that’s never made me cry is a really good shower 😂
To be clear, I generally try to make it as non-obvious as possible when I do, I’m not just crying all over the place. I also don’t make it other people’s problem. I’ve received nothing but support here and that probably reads a bit defensive, but I would prefer to be “built further from water,” to paraphrase a German saying.
And matching/mismatching does probably play a bigger role in my X-phoria than anything else, which is weird, because I’m personally most attracted to GNC people.
It’s hard when so many of the posters are transfem. I try my best to post more than just transfem memes, but I can only do so much. I hope more transmascs and enbies post their own memes.
I doubt trans men would find this complimentary. Like yeah, most cis men aren’t raised right and trans men can’t easily turn a blind eye to misogyny like cis men can, but they’re still men. Cis men can be as sensitive and considerate as you think trans men are, and trans men can be as imposing and scary as any cis man.
I know transmascs and transfems don’t share a destination, but we all share the pain caused by trying to exist in the wrong gender and the joy and happiness brought by transition.
Transmasc people existing and being happy about masc things has been huge for my realisation that maybe I am transfem actually
I have a cis friend that had some health issue come up, the medication he needed effectively drops his testosterone to zero. When he first told me, my first thought was “that’s fucking awesome,” then he was like “so I’ll need to start doing testosterone replacement therapy” and I was thought “oh that’s fucking awful.”
Still cis tho /s
I get and don’t get trans mascs. Like I fully understand being trans, I just don’t get why anyone would ever want to be a man. But I’ll die fighting to support them.
Personally I don’t think there’s much to ‘get’. They don’t want to be men, they are men. And that doesn’t have to mean toxic and sexist and a bigot. Not all men lol.
Side note: something funny I’ve noticed is that transmascs get the exact same “you’ll never be a woman” / “you’ll always be man” comments from people on mainstream social media. Makes it really look like it’s actually all just bots getting triggered by the word “trans”. But they’ve only been programmed to shit on trans women, so all they do when it comes to trans men is give them affirmation.
True. My wording was framed from my own point of view where presenting/acting male was something I performed and despised. I apologise for any trans mascs if it felt like I was saying you’re not men.
Even the ones who aren’t bots just rarely think of trans mascs. So they probably hear trans and think the person must be trans femme. Is that ewwphoric to hear when they say you’ll always be a man?
Honestly I’m sure it’s still shit to have people / bots coming along to try and bring you down, even if they get it wrong and you can have a laugh about it afterwards. But these people’s dumb comments will usually get posted for everyone to laugh at the dumb bigots who can “always tell”.
I really can’t speak for someone else’s feelings but that sounds like a kind of ewwphoria to me. Turning attempts at bigotry into a celebration.
Yep. It’s all rooted in a type of misogyny. I think 95% of the anti trans crowd are men who think washing their own asses is gay, and who are absolutely terrified of finding a trans woman attractive. To the point that half the time now, they can’t interact with any women without trying to transvestigate or some shit.
I believe its because they don’t believe being trans is real, and so they think anyone who is trans is just a pervert cause the only reason they can think anyone would want to be a woman is to perv on women. Its at the end of the day misogyny. Because of this I don’t think they even realize trans men even exist, cause it doesnt fit their misogynistic ideas of men and women. To them, women cant be pervs so there is no reason why someone they see as a woman would want to be seen as a man. Even if they do know of trans men, I don’t think they see it as problematic (or at least as severely so) because of their misogynism.
However, this is all just my thoughts on it, and also very much a generalization. Even if I am right, it is very likely there are transphobes that this doesnt apply to.
Ach, sorry about the trauma dumping below, but it was just nice to write it out. Tl;dr: I suspect that being a woman is objectively easier for me with the femme socialization I received, and I don’t know if I would want to deal with the difficulty of being a man, but it still sucks if it’s not what feels right.
I’m AFAB, probably an egg without noticeable dysphoria (though occasional euphoria) and kind of feel like this. Like, I can currently get away with showering every other day, I don’t need too much food, my feet don’t stink, and I’m pretty hot as a woman. Plus I can technically create life with my husband; if I’m struggling with something heavy in public, someone will try to help (annoying 95% of the time, lifesaving 5%); strangers don’t try to start fights with me (though obviously them sometimes trying to assault me sexually is also bad, I know how to deal with it- I don’t know how to talk down a drunk angry dude who wants to fight me and I’m pretty sure my attempt would go poorly); and nobody expects me to be anyone’s savior- though I find it pretty easy to successfully step in in cases of street harassment now, I think that would be very different if I were seen as a possible aggressor.
Also, I already cry way more than most other people (autism plus femme socialization that converted anger and frustration into tears), I don’t want to imagine the difficulty that would cause if I were a dude. I’ve heard that HRT makes it more difficult for trans men to cry, but I hate the feeling of needing to cry generally and being unable to. I would like to cry less, but ideally because I’ve dealt with my shit, not because I can’t (I am aware that perhaps I’m so close to tears on a regular basis because I’m unhappy with my gender, but it could also just be me).
It just feels like it should have been different.
I feel like I should be stronger (I’m very strong for a woman, which means the average man could still overpower me relatively easily), I feel like I’m being condescended to when someone holds a door open for me and I feel like I should obviously be the one carrying things if I’m walking with someone. When people assume that I’ll make decisions about the household, I feel like nobody could possibly care what color a carpet is and it’s all just a weird collective charade we’re partaking in. When people make jokes about the woman always being right/happy wife, happy life, I feel sick.
Hey sib, thanks for your story, love to hear your perspective actually. :)
The way I as a transfem view it re: HRT and crying, is that we also do experience the same emotions. Pre HRT and pre egg, when an old family member was going to be buried, I also cried; but it felt like I didn’t “want” to, as if there is a veil over my feelings. I think part of that is the social expectation of “tough men don’t cry”. But I disagree. I did cry as well, eventually, but it took longer, and I didn’t do so as ‘quickly’.
When I got on HRT, it felt like the veil had been lifted and I could express my feelings more clearly. I think that it doesn’t depend on hormones but on what you’ve been conditioned to as being “acceptable to do”. Maybe, once I got HRT, I felt like a weight was lifted and I could cry earlier and more thorough on my own volition. Whether that is due to hormones or due to social expectation, who is to say.
small bit about my own dysphoria, just needed to vent it, please ignore
that said, i am pretty happy so far with my HRT. Boobs could be a bit bigger, hips wider… but it’s going the right way now, and I can look more at myself in the mirror. The only big thing I’m still dissatisfied with is the lack of a vagina and uterus. I really want to carry a child someday, but that isn’t possible without a transplant. I’ll find a way, though! I feel like for transmascs and transbys with strong dysphoria (it imo isn’t dysphoria but euphoria that primarily determines what would be good), it might be the same with regard to lacking a dick or being too strongly gendered in their body… On your very last sentence, same, amen. It feels (un)intentionally a bit misogynistic.
I cannot say how HRT would be for you - that is individually different. But I’d like to think that cool men(by’s) absolutely do cry. And that you already being able to do so, helps.
Whatever you feel as is valid; only you can figure out what that is. Whether cis, trans, or what else.
Thank you! I am absolutely in support of men crying and would hope I’d be able to cry occasionally no matter what. I also absolutely think my crying is due to socialization and not hormones (at least not exclusively, though I definitely notice a cycle).
I just don’t know how to express any strong emotion without tears. I feel like that’s something I should work on in therapy instead of just hoping it would change, because that seems like a recipe for personal meltdown.
I would say I shed tears on average once a day, sometimes because things don’t go the way I expected, sometimes because someone’s rude to me, and sometimes because I write a comment about being an egg. I would say the latter is a “legitimate” reason (I know that’s not the right way to look at it, but I hope it’s still understandable), and the others are me sublimating other emotions into tears, because “anger is for men” and “I should try to get along with people,” which both feel like things I don’t believe, but have internalized.
More about my experience of euphoria/dysphoria, maybe including some serious TMI
I don’t think I have dysphoria, but when I wear a binder, I just look like a flat-chested woman, and when I combine it with baggy clothing, I just look like a flat-chested and bulky woman, which doesn’t feel good at all. Wearing a strap-on feels really good and really bad at the same time (and also caused me to cry the first time), because it feels like what should be, but it also feels like I’m play acting. I suspect that might just be deeply closeted dysphoria, but I also sometimes feel great dressing femme, so I don’t know. TMI: I am also very into the idea of being a sissy, so I’m not sure if I feel great dressed femme because of that or if fetishizing femininity exerted onto me just a coping mechanism. Either way, it makes me feel really fucking weird whenever TERFs accuse trans women of autogynephilia.
No probs! :)
Strong emotions can be in more forms. Think of the intense ‘kick’ from e.g. a rollercoaster, the joy from a really lovely walk in the forest, the intense calm with a good shower; or the personal anger of a close thing being harmed, or the emptiness of depression, as a numb cold feeling drooping away from the breast, to the legs and arms.
Are there (non-addictive) things you feel a lot, that make you very happy, without tears? Maybe might be worth looking on those. I can’t give advice on therapy, though it did help me. Best not to rely overmuch on internet stranger advice, haha.
re: the euphoria/dysphoria
Recognisable! I also had that. Mostly because if I tucked, yes, it does make my area down look more girly… but I overall still looked very masculine. So it felt like I was stressing the “mismatching what I felt” even more from how my body looked. On clothing I think it was likewise for me. I liked skirts a bit because they made me look more fem, but also felt I couldn’t look fem while wearing jeans. That was until my therapist told me, but look at other gals. Do they also wear skirts all day? And that made me realise I didn’t need to be bound by skirt or jean to be a gal. The fashion thing withheld me from social transition a bit. Now that I look more fem, it’s less of an issue. Though I also know people who straight up just dress gallish while being cis guys - a bi friend for example wears a corsette, like femboys might do. And another always wore very guyish clothes, looking ‘rougher’. And someone else just didn’t give a fuck and put up whatever mix they did today lol. So I feel it depends on what your goals are. Gender isn’t a fixed thing - it can vary by person and for some it also can vary over timespans. I’m very much a transfem gal, but I dress more neutral-ish and might describe myself as a demigirl in that regard. The autogynephilia… for me that was a big block in determining whether I was trans or not. I’m sapphic, lesbian; but do I like gals because I fall for them or because I want to be them? I feel that it’s both, and yeah. I don’t care what transphobes think, as they care mostly about controlling others. The only time I care is when I manage to change their mind ever so slightly.
I definitely feel very happy feelings without sadness, but not without tears. I’ll cry at how adorable my cat is or how much I love someone, and I’ve cried at every wedding I’ve ever been to as an adult.
I guess I don’t ever cry after solving a puzzle, even though that makes me happy. I have cried at getting a job or a good student review though, and those seem like they’re in the same family.
I would say of the examples listed, the only one that’s never made me cry is a really good shower 😂
To be clear, I generally try to make it as non-obvious as possible when I do, I’m not just crying all over the place. I also don’t make it other people’s problem. I’ve received nothing but support here and that probably reads a bit defensive, but I would prefer to be “built further from water,” to paraphrase a German saying.
And matching/mismatching does probably play a bigger role in my X-phoria than anything else, which is weird, because I’m personally most attracted to GNC people.
And yes, fuck transphobes not in the fun way.
This is also why I think there should be more transmasc and transby memes in comparison to transfem on 196 and transmemes, tbh
It’s hard when so many of the posters are transfem. I try my best to post more than just transfem memes, but I can only do so much. I hope more transmascs and enbies post their own memes.
As someone who can be attracted to men, I absolutely mean it when I say it looks good on other people but not on me
Thank you gorgeous
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I doubt trans men would find this complimentary. Like yeah, most cis men aren’t raised right and trans men can’t easily turn a blind eye to misogyny like cis men can, but they’re still men. Cis men can be as sensitive and considerate as you think trans men are, and trans men can be as imposing and scary as any cis man.
If you are a person who hates cis men, I doubt you feel safe around a lot of us who are stealth.