I am deeply ashamed of my religious past. I believed and said some truly horrible things. My church and school were my whole world, and it was very conservative and very Catholic.
And so when I was a teenager, I started using those beliefs to justify projecting hatred towards women and queerness. Probably to deflect the bullying that came my way for being very clearly not a “normal boy”, in hindsight.
That’s no excuse though, I should have done better. I’m glad that my views improved dramatically once I went to college and deconverted, but I still really regret that I certainly hurt people.
And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
This hits so hard. It’s one of the hardest things for me to grapple with. In hindsight, knowing that I knew better, that I knew myself better, but lacked the self-agency to hold to my convictions and fight for my true self. But that’s also a lot to ask of an isolated teen in a rural area so I try to be nice to my past self.
I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
I think every single human on the planet feels that way. Suppose it’s just part of growing up, the eternal trap we exist in where we know of the past and future but can only live in the present even in our minds.
I feel like I could have been a better person too, I was kind of an asshole with a short temper - maybe I still am an asshole - but the important thing is trying to improve. It’s good you’re working towards that, I’m still trying too. Besides, I think it’d be a real bummer if we couldn’t try to improve ourselves, so hopefully humans as a whole can keep marching towards a better future.
I did grew up in transphobic homophobic society. I though that being gay and trans is bad, but did not understand why. I did not understand what is actually bad about being lgbtq person. And ever since i was a kid, i though about liking boys and liking girly things, despite being taught about those things being bad. This is probably why it was easy for me to realise that i am myself gay and trans, and that all those transphobia and homophobia is bullshit.
I trust someone who has fallen into darkness and returned to the light a lot more than I trust a paragon who has never known temptation. On its face. There are people who still carry the darkness with them. Trans women who didn’t stop being bullies but just chose more acceptable targets. But those of us who have hated and been shown hate is wrong… I think that’s a beautiful thing. What happened in your past is between you and your victims, and its up to you to make peace with them. But I’m not here to beat you up over actions you already know were stupid and wrong
lot more than I trust a paragon who has never known temptation
My brain first read that as a “pigeon who has never known temptation”. I was like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pigeon that hasn’t known and then immediately indulged in temptation.
I haven’t ever really fallen into the temptation I guess… but I did know someone who fell into the darkness and never returned out of it alive. I have had to fight eight fascists at once for ripping away their posters. They threw rocks at me.
I still removed the posters a few days after. In fact, my resolve has only strengthened more to end these fascist fuckers’ hatred for once and all!
Well I was working off the wisdom that nobody hates ciggerettes like an ex smoker but I suppose someone who watched a friend waste away from lung cancer probably would.
I would trust someone who has learned to grow to grow more in the future, but I would also be wary of things from their past they have not yet resolved. I don’t know if it really makes sense to rank someone who has ascended to being good higher or lower than someone who was always good for the purposes of future events.
There’s a certain type of person who takes pride in the fact they’ve never shoplifted while never having been close enough to the poverty line to know desparation. Who cannot understand the concept of genuine nessessity. Who thinks the hand people were dealt in life should not be considered in a moral measure of their character. For want of a better word, a privileged person.
I don’t trust someone untested by life because there’s a strong chance they’ll heel turn the second something doesn’t go their way. Its easy to be generous when you have a billion dollars to give away if that makes sense
Yeah the person with a darker past can easily be one of those homophobic straight trans people, racist white queer people, misogynistic queer men, or transphobic queer people. I’ve met plenty of them in my time. They typically just accepted that it was wrong for them to be mistreated, and many get weird about their biases against other marginalized groups.
I’ve also met folks who never learned to unpack a bias because they were never worth the social conflict to correct.
And so who do I trust? Nobody, anyone can have a hidden harmful bias. But more realistically, I trust people who do the work and try to be open to criticism when they hurt someone.
It would be really interesting to fully understand what goes through someone’s head when they learn to overcome their biases vs when they refuse. Especially because that knowledge could be used to encourage the former, but also just because I’d be curious to know what people are thinking when they do the latter.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I wish my first exposure to the idea of people transitioning wasn’t the episode of Family Guy where Brian learns the woman he just had sex with is trans and gets grossed out.
Yea this was me too. I grew up pretty isolated and wanted to impress my big(oted) brother so I emulated a lot of his worldview. The 90’s and 00’s was also a tough time for a queer kid who had no supporting community to grow up in and most of the queer representation she saw was either negative or heavily mocked. I didnt want to be the butt end of a joke so I became overly homophobic to try to deflect attention from the deeply confusing and shameful-at-the-time thoughts and feelings I had. Luckily I never directly bullied anyone, but I’m sure there were countless peers who could’ve used my support (and who I could’ve used theirs) that never got it. And I missed out on being part of a rich and amazing community. But we move on, hopefully better than we used to be.
Youre very similar to me. I grew up in rural texas in the same timeframe. My older sister was actually bi, and she was always nice to me, but i ended up completely self isolating(bc of my self issues and some outside factors, parents being one) and just played WoW all day every day. Then i moved cross country to escape that and ended up stuck with an abusive SO. But, i am doing a lot better these days even if i feel like i missed out on life for the first like almost 30 years.
Yeah, I once declared in a room of like 100+ people of a queer advocacy org that there were only 2 genders.
This was before I realized I was trans.
Yes, I’m still kicking myself in the face (figuratively) for this. I hate who I used to be. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for the pain I caused that day.
Truth be told, I’m not sure I want to forgive myself. I’m not sure I deserve it.
I think our culture needs to embrace the concept of penance. You do something bad, then you do something appropriate in the hopes of mitigating, undoing, etc the damage, and then you forgive yourself.
I was never transphobic, when I was an egg I was edgy by being cool with trans people even. But I recognize we do need to welcome those of us who had this hostile and bigoted past. At the same time, harm was done and the “I didn’t know better, but I’m better now” can feel insufficient on one or more sides in a way that “I’ve changed and I put in some work to try to make up for it” doesn’t
Crucially penance shouldn’t be seen as punishment (punishment is a deterrent meant to be unpleasant), or permanent, but rather a stage of restorative justice where you do what you can for a little while, and the slate is considered clean afterwards.
Idk I think a lot of the folks in here with stories like this should look into some form of volunteering to help the community and after a little while of doing it when you feel you’ve helped enough that you’d forgive someone else, forgive yourselves.
My earliest exposure to trans people was through freak show presentations on late night talk shows and movies depicting trans people.as either the butt of a joke, or outright insane. I grew up accepting of gay and queerness in general, but bought into the stereotype of trans as freak. Until a good friend twenty years ago now called me on that bullshit. I credit that moment for starting me on the road to bejng able to accept myself.
It has been years that I keep seeing this drawing and still don’t know the origin of it. Like, it’s an original one? Part of a series? A comic? A Fan art? Who’s the author?
Proud to say I was never transphobic or homophobic to anyone except myself. Granted, we all have internalized transphobia due to the way society referred to us or put us down, but I don’t think I’ve ever been unwelcoming to anyone else who is trans or ever put down their identity.
It’s hard to not feel it toward yourself but maybe this will get better once I’m further along in my journey into womanhood, idk.
One thing that helped me finally accept my identity was realizing that I’d never invalidate anybody like I invalidated myself. Treating myself like I would treat another person helped me finally escape the closet.
Well I kicked out a trans woman from a church. And I’ve done some other stuff. I was able to meet a friend of mine from years ago who’s transgender and I tried to “convince him out of it” but he certainly didn’t blame me. In fact, he was like that couple years before we met.
It’s a relatively common thing and I try not to blame myself for it because I did what I could with what I was given.
If y’all are going through all the therapy and reparative steps, have it.
However, this exact meme means you haven’t, and won’t.
It’s even more worse now with 参政党 & Alternative for Germany.
Like TheGingerNut said earlier:
its up to you to make peace with them.
Intolerance is groomed. Tolerance is discipline. I pray you choose wiser next time you feel tempted to punch down. Because am a victim of continued:
Trans women who didn’t stop being bullies but just chose more acceptable targets
Nononono, I am glad @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone maybe taking reparative steps on her journey to mend herself. I am warning folks that use the meme be aware of the contexts behind them. The original ref. is far darker, and it’s left inconclusive.
IF I had terrible past like that, I would use a different meme altogether. X-Men has quite a few stories like these, which is why the series is dear to me.
Not that I ever did. I am as TheGingerNut put it “an acceptable paragon to target.” Again and again and again and again. I still haven’t lost hope though.
I didn’t have a super bigoted past, just a shithead liberal “centrist” one. I grew up an autistic racial minority with very woke parents, so at worst I put up with others’ bigotry rather than being bigoted myself. I still feel guilty about it, but not so guilty that it keeps me up at night. I was just trying to fit in with those around me, and I never stood back silently if somebody got directly hurt.
I don’t think the original context of this meme was really a mystery, nor do I think very many people with bigoted pasts did anything comparable to being a Nazi officer. This meme was more meant to capture the guilt people feel for who they used to be and the people they hurt, even if how horrible they were is more exaggerated in their eyes. I think most people deserve redemption; even the people that would’ve targeted me before I transitioned. They don’t deserve to be haunted by their past when they already commit to being a better person every day. Past injustice cannot be undone, only future injustice prevented.
It is true that people shouldn’t get complacent, and some trans people do remain pieces of shit who just updated their targets. That said, those people probably would’ve been pieces of shit regardless of who they were, so I don’t give it much thought. I also understand people feeling uncomfortable around people with bigoted pasts, even if I disagree about how those people should be treated in our community. People are allowed to feel uncomfortable, and this meme was not meant to invalidate that.
Thank you for sharing your story, and explaning your meme. I too feel
I think most people deserve redemption […]
when they already commit to being a better person every day. Past injustice cannot be undone, only future injustice prevented.
I was just trying to admonish folks that may reuse the meme without knowledge of its origins, and the potential situations that may arise from its usage. I do love a good dark redemption meme. But this one missed your intent. So I am glad you explained it.
I am deeply ashamed of my religious past. I believed and said some truly horrible things. My church and school were my whole world, and it was very conservative and very Catholic.
And so when I was a teenager, I started using those beliefs to justify projecting hatred towards women and queerness. Probably to deflect the bullying that came my way for being very clearly not a “normal boy”, in hindsight.
That’s no excuse though, I should have done better. I’m glad that my views improved dramatically once I went to college and deconverted, but I still really regret that I certainly hurt people.
And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.
You’re here now, and I think that’s pretty amazing ❤️
Thanks ❤️ I’m really glad to be here and to be who I am now
This hits so hard. It’s one of the hardest things for me to grapple with. In hindsight, knowing that I knew better, that I knew myself better, but lacked the self-agency to hold to my convictions and fight for my true self. But that’s also a lot to ask of an isolated teen in a rural area so I try to be nice to my past self.
I think every single human on the planet feels that way. Suppose it’s just part of growing up, the eternal trap we exist in where we know of the past and future but can only live in the present even in our minds.
I feel like I could have been a better person too, I was kind of an asshole with a short temper - maybe I still am an asshole - but the important thing is trying to improve. It’s good you’re working towards that, I’m still trying too. Besides, I think it’d be a real bummer if we couldn’t try to improve ourselves, so hopefully humans as a whole can keep marching towards a better future.
I did grew up in transphobic homophobic society. I though that being gay and trans is bad, but did not understand why. I did not understand what is actually bad about being lgbtq person. And ever since i was a kid, i though about liking boys and liking girly things, despite being taught about those things being bad. This is probably why it was easy for me to realise that i am myself gay and trans, and that all those transphobia and homophobia is bullshit.
I trust someone who has fallen into darkness and returned to the light a lot more than I trust a paragon who has never known temptation. On its face. There are people who still carry the darkness with them. Trans women who didn’t stop being bullies but just chose more acceptable targets. But those of us who have hated and been shown hate is wrong… I think that’s a beautiful thing. What happened in your past is between you and your victims, and its up to you to make peace with them. But I’m not here to beat you up over actions you already know were stupid and wrong
My brain first read that as a “pigeon who has never known temptation”. I was like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pigeon that hasn’t known and then immediately indulged in temptation.
I yearn for a world where we may all be pigeons, and perpetuate no harm in the process
I haven’t ever really fallen into the temptation I guess… but I did know someone who fell into the darkness and never returned out of it alive. I have had to fight eight fascists at once for ripping away their posters. They threw rocks at me.
I still removed the posters a few days after. In fact, my resolve has only strengthened more to end these fascist fuckers’ hatred for once and all!
I have so much love for you for this. Be safe, be with friends and comrades who can watch your, mask up etc.
Oh definitely! I pick safety when I can, but when I can’t, I look for another opportunity to remove the bad stuff.
Well I was working off the wisdom that nobody hates ciggerettes like an ex smoker but I suppose someone who watched a friend waste away from lung cancer probably would.
“What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”
I would trust someone who has learned to grow to grow more in the future, but I would also be wary of things from their past they have not yet resolved. I don’t know if it really makes sense to rank someone who has ascended to being good higher or lower than someone who was always good for the purposes of future events.
There’s a certain type of person who takes pride in the fact they’ve never shoplifted while never having been close enough to the poverty line to know desparation. Who cannot understand the concept of genuine nessessity. Who thinks the hand people were dealt in life should not be considered in a moral measure of their character. For want of a better word, a privileged person.
I don’t trust someone untested by life because there’s a strong chance they’ll heel turn the second something doesn’t go their way. Its easy to be generous when you have a billion dollars to give away if that makes sense
Yeah the person with a darker past can easily be one of those homophobic straight trans people, racist white queer people, misogynistic queer men, or transphobic queer people. I’ve met plenty of them in my time. They typically just accepted that it was wrong for them to be mistreated, and many get weird about their biases against other marginalized groups.
I’ve also met folks who never learned to unpack a bias because they were never worth the social conflict to correct.
And so who do I trust? Nobody, anyone can have a hidden harmful bias. But more realistically, I trust people who do the work and try to be open to criticism when they hurt someone.
It would be really interesting to fully understand what goes through someone’s head when they learn to overcome their biases vs when they refuse. Especially because that knowledge could be used to encourage the former, but also just because I’d be curious to know what people are thinking when they do the latter.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I wish my first exposure to the idea of people transitioning wasn’t the episode of Family Guy where Brian learns the woman he just had sex with is trans and gets grossed out.
I wish it wasn’t Ace Ventura
I wish it wasn’t people gossiping that Lady Gaga might have a penis, and how that would be a… bad thing? that affects them? somehow?
The edgelord teenager to bisexual 20 something to transgender 30 something pipeline strikes again
Many such cases
My cruelty was only pointed inwards, thankfully. We’ll see if i ever reconcile
Yea this was me too. I grew up pretty isolated and wanted to impress my big(oted) brother so I emulated a lot of his worldview. The 90’s and 00’s was also a tough time for a queer kid who had no supporting community to grow up in and most of the queer representation she saw was either negative or heavily mocked. I didnt want to be the butt end of a joke so I became overly homophobic to try to deflect attention from the deeply confusing and shameful-at-the-time thoughts and feelings I had. Luckily I never directly bullied anyone, but I’m sure there were countless peers who could’ve used my support (and who I could’ve used theirs) that never got it. And I missed out on being part of a rich and amazing community. But we move on, hopefully better than we used to be.
Youre very similar to me. I grew up in rural texas in the same timeframe. My older sister was actually bi, and she was always nice to me, but i ended up completely self isolating(bc of my self issues and some outside factors, parents being one) and just played WoW all day every day. Then i moved cross country to escape that and ended up stuck with an abusive SO. But, i am doing a lot better these days even if i feel like i missed out on life for the first like almost 30 years.
I’m guilty of that and I’m very very sorry 😔
rafiki: “oh, yes, the past can hurt. but the way i see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.”
Yeah, I once declared in a room of like 100+ people of a queer advocacy org that there were only 2 genders.
This was before I realized I was trans.
Yes, I’m still kicking myself in the face (figuratively) for this. I hate who I used to be. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for the pain I caused that day.
Truth be told, I’m not sure I want to forgive myself. I’m not sure I deserve it.
Tbf if another trans person came up to you, and said a similar story they regret today, would you be pissed at them?
No, I wouldn’t. I’d be pretty forgiving of them.
I think our culture needs to embrace the concept of penance. You do something bad, then you do something appropriate in the hopes of mitigating, undoing, etc the damage, and then you forgive yourself.
I was never transphobic, when I was an egg I was edgy by being cool with trans people even. But I recognize we do need to welcome those of us who had this hostile and bigoted past. At the same time, harm was done and the “I didn’t know better, but I’m better now” can feel insufficient on one or more sides in a way that “I’ve changed and I put in some work to try to make up for it” doesn’t
Crucially penance shouldn’t be seen as punishment (punishment is a deterrent meant to be unpleasant), or permanent, but rather a stage of restorative justice where you do what you can for a little while, and the slate is considered clean afterwards.
Idk I think a lot of the folks in here with stories like this should look into some form of volunteering to help the community and after a little while of doing it when you feel you’ve helped enough that you’d forgive someone else, forgive yourselves.
Nah I was always anti-discrimination, even if I didn’t knew all the arguments yet.
A lot of people are taught to hate themselves. The problem is the people who hold onto that mentality even after growing up.
My earliest exposure to trans people was through freak show presentations on late night talk shows and movies depicting trans people.as either the butt of a joke, or outright insane. I grew up accepting of gay and queerness in general, but bought into the stereotype of trans as freak. Until a good friend twenty years ago now called me on that bullshit. I credit that moment for starting me on the road to bejng able to accept myself.
I blame youtube. My introduction to trans peoples’ existence was an ad for Matt Walsh.
I had not watched or searched anything to bring that channel up my ad feed at the time either.
Was just overall a jackass through highschool. I use adblock on everything now.
It has been years that I keep seeing this drawing and still don’t know the origin of it. Like, it’s an original one? Part of a series? A comic? A Fan art? Who’s the author?
Here: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/germany-oneesan-anime-girls-nazi-past
Proud to say I was never transphobic or homophobic to anyone except myself. Granted, we all have internalized transphobia due to the way society referred to us or put us down, but I don’t think I’ve ever been unwelcoming to anyone else who is trans or ever put down their identity.
It’s hard to not feel it toward yourself but maybe this will get better once I’m further along in my journey into womanhood, idk.
One thing that helped me finally accept my identity was realizing that I’d never invalidate anybody like I invalidated myself. Treating myself like I would treat another person helped me finally escape the closet.
Never hated gay people, i dont understand
There’s an observed phenomena that some eggs repress so hard it goes to self-hate then that self-hate goes outwards to others that are like them.
This is for those which did that
We all have the capacity to change, dont let anyone judge you by your past ❤️.
True, but you would be judged a little. I wouldn’t because of glass house and all that. But expect it. There are costs for making mistakes.
Took a while to notice that it is her past.
Well I kicked out a trans woman from a church. And I’ve done some other stuff. I was able to meet a friend of mine from years ago who’s transgender and I tried to “convince him out of it” but he certainly didn’t blame me. In fact, he was like that couple years before we met.
It’s a relatively common thing and I try not to blame myself for it because I did what I could with what I was given.
If y’all are going through all the therapy and reparative steps, have it.
However, this exact meme means you haven’t, and won’t.
It’s even more worse now with 参政党 & Alternative for Germany.
Like TheGingerNut said earlier:
Intolerance is groomed. Tolerance is discipline. I pray you choose wiser next time you feel tempted to punch down. Because am a victim of continued:
What about the meme would imply that?
Because there’s no reparations being demonstrated for the genocide brunette committed. Not in real life anyways.
Ah
Feels a bit extreme to extend that one meme to OP’s entire moral future
Nononono, I am glad @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone maybe taking reparative steps on her journey to mend herself. I am warning folks that use the meme be aware of the contexts behind them. The original ref. is far darker, and it’s left inconclusive.
IF I had terrible past like that, I would use a different meme altogether. X-Men has quite a few stories like these, which is why the series is dear to me.
Not that I ever did. I am as TheGingerNut put it “an acceptable paragon to target.” Again and again and again and again. I still haven’t lost hope though.
Oh, I see.
Keep on keeping on. Know that there are many who wish you well, even when it doesn’t seem that way.
I didn’t have a super bigoted past, just a shithead liberal “centrist” one. I grew up an autistic racial minority with very woke parents, so at worst I put up with others’ bigotry rather than being bigoted myself. I still feel guilty about it, but not so guilty that it keeps me up at night. I was just trying to fit in with those around me, and I never stood back silently if somebody got directly hurt.
I don’t think the original context of this meme was really a mystery, nor do I think very many people with bigoted pasts did anything comparable to being a Nazi officer. This meme was more meant to capture the guilt people feel for who they used to be and the people they hurt, even if how horrible they were is more exaggerated in their eyes. I think most people deserve redemption; even the people that would’ve targeted me before I transitioned. They don’t deserve to be haunted by their past when they already commit to being a better person every day. Past injustice cannot be undone, only future injustice prevented.
It is true that people shouldn’t get complacent, and some trans people do remain pieces of shit who just updated their targets. That said, those people probably would’ve been pieces of shit regardless of who they were, so I don’t give it much thought. I also understand people feeling uncomfortable around people with bigoted pasts, even if I disagree about how those people should be treated in our community. People are allowed to feel uncomfortable, and this meme was not meant to invalidate that.
Thank you for sharing your story, and explaning your meme. I too feel
I was just trying to admonish folks that may reuse the meme without knowledge of its origins, and the potential situations that may arise from its usage. I do love a good dark redemption meme. But this one missed your intent. So I am glad you explained it.
TADC
Something about TADC characters being immortalized in Fortnite feels seriously twisted. Then again, so do most Fortnite crossovers